


The Epilogue Is My Prologue

by FullmetalFlameElric



Series: Endings Are Beginnings [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Future Fic, Implied Relationships, Mentioned Stiles/Malia, POV First Person, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 20:33:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1239880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FullmetalFlameElric/pseuds/FullmetalFlameElric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>This. This right here. It was what kept me anchored. One of two things I focused on when the world became too much. When the sound in my own head cranked the volume up and my head started to hurt. When the world was too bright and the light of the moon made it feel like my head was on fire. This silence. The peace of a kindred heart. It was soothing like the rush of cool water over burned skin.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Epilogue Is My Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> If you want a bit more insight on the fic itself or the song at the end, see the notes at the end of the fic.

Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like had Scott and I never gotten mixed up with the supernatural. If Scott and I had grown up some place else, some place quieter. If Scott and I had never been friends. If I’d grown up with my mother and dad around, happy and alive. If I didn’t have attention issues and I wasn’t awkward. Would I be able to smile, happy and carefree? Would my dad be as stressed as he is now? Would still be human? Still the same well meaning kid I befriended over a box of crayons and a bottle of glue? Would I still have that gnawing need to control every aspect of life that I possibly can? 

Would I be able to sleep?

I don’t, anymore. Sleep. I stay awake for days on end, forcing myself to keep my eyes open and keep working at whatever challenge is presented to me. I just go through life one drawing at a time, immersing myself in my work and avoiding that tug of fatigue until my body forces me to crash.

I’m terrified of what happens when I sleep. It used to be a matter of safety. Now it’s nothing more than fear. Guilt, really. Even a bit of self loathing. I hear screams in my dreams. I see their faces everytime I close my eyes. I can still hear its voice whispering in my ear, the presence like it’s constantly standing behind me. It reads me riddles and sings to me whenever the veil of sleep takes over.

It uses my voice.

I don’t sleep.

I don’t.

Sleep.

Instead I focus on the sound of grass shifting with a gentle breeze. The faint whistle of the wind through the canopy of branches. Leaves rustling together. The quick thump-thump of a heart. If I close my eyes I can feel the ghost of the moonlight on my skin. The cool whisper of moving air caressing my face and neck. I can feel the coarse fur of the coyote that brushes against my side, familiar and comforting.

Curling my fingers into the mane around her neck, I open my eyes and let my gaze - sharp and vividly colored - drop down to where she stared back up with those understanding eyes. I’d hurt her too. I’d hurt everyone I considered family. I’d hurt her the worst. I worked her out of her shell and got her to be part of the pack and then tore it all out from under her. She hid, seeking comfort in her fur instead of skin. Preferring to growl instead of speak.

And yet, she still trusted me.

“I’m sorry, Malia…”

She just let out a whine and rubbed her head against my hand, tongue peeking out to wrap around my fingers a moment before retreating once more. She vocalised a soft yip and hopped a few feet away, turning to face me, tail wagging.

“I didn’t bring the ball with today… I’m sorry.”

A cocked head, one ear straight up and the other to the side. It only made me feel worse. She had only simple pleasures now. Only allowed herself a limited few. When the pack was with, she romped with them. Wrestling to her heart’s content. But in the late hours of the night when I couldn’t sleep, when it was just me, she would remain a quiet companion. I’d bring a ball, throwing it as far as I could and letting her chase after it while I cleared my head. Every now and then, I’d change things up and go for a run, her steady footfalls loping along beside me. It was these moments, where it was the two of us, that we worked as a flawless unit. Brother and sister. An unspoken understanding between two close friends.

She understood me and I her.

Sometimes, the last thing I needed was words. 

Sometimes silence was best.

It was all I needed.

Again, Malia yipped and hopped over. Her jaws fixed on my hand, gnawing gently like a pup would. My other hand settled between her ears and worked through the soft fur. A cold breeze sifted through the trees and a shiver ran along my spine, Malia completely clueless to the shock of cold.

“At least you’re not cold all the time anymore…”

She just fixed me with a look, letting go of my hand nosing at my hip. I knelt down, running fingers through the ruff around her cheeks. Her tongue darted out, licking the tip of my nose and cheeks, completely uncaring of the sting from the cold air on wet skin.

This. This right here. It was what kept me anchored. One of two things I focused on when the world became too much. When the sound in my own head cranked the volume up and my head started to hurt. When the world was too bright and the light of the moon made it feel like my head was on fire. This silence. The peace of a kindred heart. It was soothing like the rush of cool water over burned skin.

She nosed at my cheek, pushing my head to the side and nuzzling in. She was warm and familiar. She smelled like family and damp earth. She smelled like pack. _Pack Sister_. It centered me.

Malia’s gaze snapped up. Focused on something behind me. I could hear the footsteps, a familiar gait that kept me at ease. The scent something I knew in my bones by now. Leather. Pine. Sandalwood. That same heartbeat, the only sound I would ever let lull me to sleep, so long as it was a constant against my ear.

“I thought I’d find you here…”

Malia’s tail swished side to side, the coyote stepping away from me and moving passed. I let her go, taking the few extra seconds to close my eyes and just listen to the other greet our wild packmate. It fell silent again and I waited, not moving.

“I woke and you weren’t there…” Mother moon, that voice was like a drug, the gentle tones soothing any and all aches from my weary bones.

“I couldn’t sleep.” I really couldn’t.

“So you came to visit Malia… I know.” Two steps closer before stopping once more. “It’s been three years, Stiles… I know.” Gentle. Fond. Loving.

“It’s been five since I destroyed everyone around me.”

“Three since I’ve been the one to come find you.” A smile. Small. But there.

“I’m not ready to go back yet. Too awake.” Too afraid. Too on edge. I needed to do something. A distraction.

“Alright. How about the three of us take a run?” Using question marks now? Wow, must have been tired if I was getting the chance to hear vocal punctuation. Still. A run. Slowly, I let a smile settle into place and turned to look over my shoulder. His hair was haloed in blue from the moon’s light. Jaw dark with a short cut beard. Hazle eyes flashed vibrant blue. Playful. Challenging. Love.

“I don’t know… Think you can keep up, Derek? You’re getting a little old.”

A wolfish grin, white teeth exposed. My heart stuttered for a second at the sight. “Still young enough to win against a pup like you.”

Oh those were fighting words. Ones I would be insane to ever turn down. Getting to my feet, I tossed a smirk over my shoulder. “Prove it.” My own eyes flashing a vibrant blue in return.

“Catch me.”

Bolting, I could hear him behind me. Malia yipped, falling into step at my side. I knew it wouldn’t be long before his arms would be around my waist. Before I was caught and taken to the ground. I knew we would wrestle for dominance. I knew I’d lose. But I didn’t mind it. Never would if it was him I was losing to.

Malia and the peace she brought me was my anchor. It was calm reprieve in the storm that was life in Beacon Hills. But my safe harbor. The place I called home. Was a wolf that held me tight and safe. A scruffy jaw and rabbit teeth. With hazel eyes that hid behind the most beautiful shade of blue. A wolf that smelled of leather, pine, and sandalwood.

A wolf with a coat as black as midnight.

\- - - -

_In the darkness_  
 _Before the dawn_  
 _In the swelling_  
 _Of this storm_  
 _Running round and with apologies_  
 _And hope is gone_  
 _Leave a light, a light on_

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little snippet of writing. It's been a while since I wrote anything in first person and thought a piece like this would be fitting. That and I needed a break from the backlash of the Stiles/Malia from the newest episode. I got a little sick of the complaints on Tumblr. Don't get me wrong, I'm a die hard Sterek fan. I'll go down with that ship. But at the same time I thought the entire scene with Stiles and Malia was very sweet. I mean, come on, they were cuddling after it! Freakin' adorable. And I'm just glad that Stiles connected with someone. They're sweet together. It's not Sterek, but it's a ship I can find room to love in its own way.
> 
> That being said, this fic takes place roughly five years after everything with the Nogitsune. Three after Stiles and Derek got close. Malia and Stiles, in my head cannon for this, dated for a few months before calling it quits. Instead they remained friends, Stiles dealing with being a werewolf and Malia feeling more comfortable on four legs instead of two. Malia is still part of the pack, but she's closest to Stiles and then Scott. Sometime after, Stiles and Derek grew closer while Stiles learned control. With that, Scott remained Stiles' best friend and brother, but Malia and Derek became two crucial parts of his world, keeping him anchored firmly in reality.
> 
> I'm willing to write an entire verse for this if people are interested. Don't know if all from Stiles' point of view. I might do some from other's perspectives. I guess, if you want to see more, just let me know in the comments. Tell me who you'd like to hear from. If there's any specific pairings that the majority would like to see.
> 
> And finally, the song at the end is the first verse from Coldplay's song "Midnight". It's wonderful and so so fitting for this. I listened to it the entire time I was writing this. Both the original version and the Jacoo remix are really good. And both were played repeatedly for this fic.
> 
> Any questions or prompts can be asked in comments or at my tumblr at my-lord-megatron.tumblr.com.


End file.
